Merry Christmas, movie house!Merry Christmas, Emporium!Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan!

You know that moment at the end of A Christmas Story when Ralphie wakes up on Christmas and bolts to the window to see if he got snow, well I did that about 5:30 AM this morning and it was a blizzard. Oh GA the blizzard of 94 was a dusting compared to what was coming down. And it didn’t stop until after lunch. I have never seen it pour like that. Where’s the picture you ask, probably on weather.com, do you know how hard it is to capture the true essence of snow on camera. Indy was having some serious difficulties doing work. Poor guy pooped right where the sidewalk use to be, makes sense, all he sees is white.

Tomorrow we are going for a record third trip in 3 months to GA, where currently it’s 6mfn3 degrees. Jerks. Don’t worry the cold’s coming with me. Tomorrow will go something like, this - wake up looking like Britney Spears coming out of her house on stretcher, get through 10 min of Ohio and contemplate turning around, hit up a SF Red Bull, continue to beat off old people in Buicks who think cruise control is for airplanes, look forward to a break with the hills in Cinnci, then the angels appear in Lexington at Chick Fil A, and after that is just me trying to sleep and not drool on myself and wake up with gum on me, my seat belt and seat, which definitely happened last time. WE FORGOT KEVIN!

Happy holidays kids. Norak and I are holding our second annual Bake Enough Cookies to Make the Food Network Cry competition, feel free to stop on in. Snap Ginger SNAP biyatches.

Mikey Likes It- This is one sleepy bear. Seriously, call the dentist. You can get a gander at other adorable things caught falling asleep here.

Hmm, would we say that this Atlantis has jumped the shark? This story of a shark jumping out of his tank onto a slide to kill himself really makes you wonder, how bad did the shark have it and what if this had happened during business hours? Yea, little pee in the pool ain’t so bad now is it?

Since we are all Jack Hanna today, I leave with you the gayest penguin story we could find. Gay penguins expelled from zoo colony for stealing eggs are given their own to look after following animal rights protest.

Holiday Hubbub

She sure is a beaut Clark. If you can locate a set of these, it would mean more than the Jelly of the Month club.

Hard to Leggo

Omnomnomnom Lord Nibbler!

We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f*n Kaye

Indy  totally ripped the arms out of my snowman, and peed on it.  Epic fail. 

From waking up  with Donkin Donuts coffee and yummy donuts to Cowtown’s third grade class singing me Happy Birthday, today has been awesome. Lish has SPOILED me with tons of sweets, cookies, peanut M&Ms, cupcakes, etc. Phat birthday. Oomnonomnom. Norak and Daddyo sent a delish basket! 

Louis CK officially rocks my world. “Everything is amazing right now and nobody is happy… Now we live in an amazing world wasted on the crappiest generation of spoiled idiots. They have their phone, “It won’t…ugh..” It’s GOING TO SPACE. Can you give it a second.”

Mikey Likes It – How sad is it in when the Best/Worst of SkyMall features presents that I would legitimately get my friends and family. I’m serious. Um, my father totally could use these things. And I was definitely in a BB&B really asking my brother if he wanted the marshmallow gun. 

Holiday Hubbub

Hop in the way back sleigh, and check out the California Raisins Claymation Christmas. Ooh I miss the waffles.

 

Hard to Leggo

I’m sorry but when I saw “cutting edge of Lego safe technology,” I was all ears. This little brick weighs 14 pounds with a lock that would keep David Blaine out. It takes five double digit codes to open it. That translates into over 305 billion different combinations. I guess this is where Barbie could keep her good shoes?

Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest.

Yes Virginia, there is a recession. Oh Macy's, we love the store and your commercials are precious, but please tell me your employees knew about the bat crap crazy idea to be open 24 hours a day. If you rally can't wait for that Coach bag during normal business hours, we need to talk. 

The heck? Bob over here spent FIVE years researching the history of the white jolly happy soul – the one with two eyes made out of coal. Turns out everyone from cavemen to Michelangelo built Frosty. Thanks for the book, but everything I need to know about Frosty I learned from 70s claymation. History of Snowman, probably not a good fireside read? 

I finally watched White Crapmas Christmas this weekend. Things I loved, Bing. Things I could have done without, 8 hours of nonholiday show tunes and him Rosemary Clooney, damn George where'd ya get those genes. 

On the eve of my birthday I am reminded last week of someone being shocked to hear my age. I followed their comment with, 'you might remember me as the child decoy on season one of ‘To Catch a Predator.' This time last year Tonka was prepping to make cocoa for 900 and the team was gathering to climb Everest. Turns out another storm might be brewing. 

Andy: I am in a heated argument right now about Dunkin Donuts donut holes…

Me: I mean you can try, but I don’t think it will fit. 

Mikey Likes It – I’m feeling furry! Look out Babyland General, here come Zoo Babies! I’m gonna need a root canal, har har har. 

Relax, just go with it.

Holiday Hubbub

Well, in Whoreville they say that the Grinch's heart grew three sizes that day. This expandable Christmas stocking leaves quite the hint for Santa. 

Hard to Leggo

We serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast, and we don't need any characters around to give the joint "atmosphere".

I am so in love with the holidays I make Hallmark nauseas. I still remember when my parents pulled a good Santa trick on me. I woke up one Christmas to find Santa’s boot tracks in the den around the tree and back to the fireplace. I wouldn’t let Norak vacuum for like a week! Sneaky Santa used flour and dad’s boots, but that “special North Pole snow” that wouldn’t melt fooled me. Parents can believe this season by Capturing the Magic for their kids. Eyemuffs kids, turns out you just photoshop Santa all over the house.  Mommy, why is Santa on the potty? Only thing, it’s a good idea but it will cost you. 

Fair warning, I did some shopping over the weekend and got home only to find a sensor still on something I bought. Each of you should double check, the alarm never went off when leaving the store (but it did when I went back in to remove the damn thing). If I had gone so far and wrapped it and not noticed, I would have been piiiised off Christmas morning. Stores should offer you a discount or something for having to go ALL the way back in holiday traffic. 

Andy’s home and within 30 min of coming home after a week he completely unpacked and was ready for the gym. I mean clothes in the laundry, suitcase back in the closet. He also fed Indy like 10 treats, all my hard work of spoiling the dog was gone in a matter of minutes. 

Mikey Likes It – I still think this is from Mikey’s tree. Or what Mikey’s tree dreams of being someday. 

ICE to see you this holiday. Gizmodo’s Top Gadgets for Winter will make your fancy sled cry. The Gas Powered Snowboard: Part snowboard, part snowmobile, all get the hell out of the way kid.

I had to put this one, Instant Snow. If one more person on my Facebook feed says “I wish it would snow” I am going to ship them a bunch of the yellow stuff. 

Holiday Hubbub

Both fantastic and omnomnomnom. These are Awesome Gingerbread Houses. Each Christmas, I always want to do a gingerbread house but never get around to it. These things were a blast when I was a kid. Icing, good. Gingerbread, good. Candy, good. How BAMF is your house if it has to be behind glass. Get those goody-goody hands off my gumdrop a**hat! 

Hard to Leggo

A holiday game from Lego Land. Not as fun as whacking penguins off an island, but you get the drift.

 

Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!

NYC was a blur. It was warm and rainy and traffic kept us from having any time to do anything fun. When I asked our driver to please go by the tree, you could tell by his sigh he wanted to ship my touristy  a** back home. Whatevs, it was awesome.

Boarding the germ capsule back home was not so fun. Anytime people sneeze or cough uncontrollably like they got their TB results an hour before the flight, you just feel your immune system going. I can't tell you if I was gone one day or one week. New germs morphed with my old cold giving it an upgrade to feeling even more like crap.

This morning I am letting Indy out, still in my pjs accompanied by a jacket and uggs, but the pants were def noticeable. Wouldn't have had a problem running into anyone had it not been for me locking myself out! We have a keypad, which was frozen. I spent a half hour blowing on the stupid thing trying to get in. Cram it. 

My give a damn is busted.

Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.

Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.

Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.....

Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.

~Nancy Wood, from Many Winters

Told you I Can Read was amazing.

Mikey Likes It- Peep this. Slashfood’s gift of the day is perfect for the ultimate Ghostbusters fan. Homemade Marshmallows, come on you know it’s on everyone’s list this year! Honey, um yea, this year I thought about getting you jewelry, but I made you this marshmallow. 

Because you know what I just realized? You're the gd devil!

Holiday Hubbub

I guess it’s a new rule to crap taco your holiday season with these videos.  It’s Mikey’s fault for inspiring this.

 

Hard to Leggo

If only my stress in life was how to figure out how to build a man out of Legos. This guy beat me to it.

Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?

Ugh definitely sick. Past two days have blown. I tried out Zicam, something about snapping what looks like a needle and then proceeding to lather your nostril doesn’t make a sick person any better. Plus people pointing out your Zicam boogies sucks, and yes somewhat embarrassing. I am so exhausted I feel the need to take a break while brushing my teeth. Meanwhile boy wonder is swimming outside at the hotel pool. Bah.

I Believe in Advertising is no doubt a site to get behind.  Mikey, you’s gonna like it.

Mikey Likes It- Sweet mother of…this crime dog had crime take a bite out of him. Looking ruff buddy.

GG, maybe. Indy- he would eat the hell out of those cans and animals, even if he can’t hear em coming.

Holiday Hubbub

Ok, I’ll see your Dolly Parton and raise you…

If you are still reading and that didn’t creep you out. Vandalize a stranger’s car this season with holiday cheer y’all.

Hard to Leggo

Lego my dog, jerks. 

We're indivisible. If I'm workin' late, you GOTTA work late! If you can't work late, I can't work late! If I can't work late, I CAN'T WORK LATE!

This weekend marked my 900th tutorial on "driving in the snow." Here's the deal, it's not that I am awful at it, it's more so that I don't think it's natural. (Um that's what's she said?) Love how maybe an inch turns into four. (Cough) 

Indiana Jones celebrated the big 04 this weekend! He is officially older than me. To honor the occasion, we made him meatloaf cupcakes- Roo's dream as well. It was so stinkin cute. Turns out the candle part really freaked him out. When we were forced to blow it out, he grab the cupmeatcake and ran, swallowed the friggin thing almost whole. 

I knocked out more Christmas shopping this weekend than I thought, I surprisingly found some great gifts and good sales. Putting up with the bat shi* crazy shoppers is all part of the Christmas magic isn't it kids. 

Mikey Likes It – The gift that keeps on giving. This would definitely be on Tonka’s Christmas list. 1800 Tequila lets you put a little spirit in your bottle by adding your own design. 

These Jamz would be funny if Moose and friends didn’t already own a few pairs. Down south, they take footies real serious.  Um, I hate to point out “c” but there should probably be a disclaimer *c – designated area that will not receive any action while wearing these PJs. 

I’m a gonna win! Remi’s take on our favorite Mario Kart will have you wanting to take it to the streets. Seriously, don’t try this at home, or on a major highway for that matter. I think I am going to stock up on banana peels, what a fun road rage game. 

MARIO KART (REMI GAILLARD)
by nqtv

Holiday Hubbub

You can thank me after.

 

Hard to Leggo

Things Mr Leggo doesn’t want you to see here. 

The Lego Factory? Hellz yea!

In the heat of battle my father wove a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.

Hey fellas listen up! What not to get the lady this holiday season. Might end up in the dog house, a real place that does exist. 

Tumbled across the most exquisite site. I say exquisite because it’s rare that a site can have you scroll “with intestity” for through all the old stuff.  I Can Read. 

Mikey Likes It – Total turn my heart to crap taco. Romancing the Stone remake? What is is 20 years later? Romancing the Kidney Stone? Please tell me that Kathleen Turner is the dude this time. 

Dear Lish, Mikey wants this for Christmas. I say neigh. 

Holiday Hubbub

I can only think to describe Core77’s  ’77 Design Gifts under $77’ as fabulous. Very clever gifts on the list. 

Hard to Leggo

OMG y’all did Jamie-Lynn just expand her luxury collection?

You stink. You smell like beef and cheese! You don't smell like Santa.

Warning- below is based on too much ESPN and CNBC this AM. 

I was thinking with the MI economy in the tank, could we sell Ford Field? The 0-12 Lions sure as hell aren't using it. These Lions don't need courage, they need a win. 

What a bunch of crap. Six NFL players suspended for diuretics. Had no idea the o-line was concerned about their figure. 

For today's 'when keeping it real goes wrong' - kudos to you Plaxico. You shot yourself in the foot leg with a $27 million bullet.

Looks like my Dawgs are going to be hurting a bit next year. Stafford and Moreno are strongly anticipated to make an early exit from the hedges after the 2010 Rookie Salary Discount was announced. Good chance Staff could get picked early since he's the only big QB this year. Which would mean I think I could welcome him to Michigan, bless the Lions losing heart.

Peach state spoiler alert! Looks like Tim Martin couldn't find enough rap stars to get their groupies to vote for him. Good work Saxby, however should have had it in the first round. I am not sure if the nation knew how big this runoff for the soon to Pres "rule" of office was, huge impact on what goes on in Washington. And for those Obama tax plan supporters please contact Moose about the fair tax plan. She'd loan you the book, but you have to go out and but it because that's how our economy works. You know earning something rather than being bailed-out or given still means a whole hell of a lot to me. 

Did any other Pres Elects ever hold "office" before going to the White House. Pretty sure Obama has as much power standing in front of that sign as he would in a tree-house in his backyard -

The Constitution provides that on the Monday after the second Wednesday in December, electors convene in their respective state capitals. It’s then that they formally elect the President of the United States, based on the general election results. 

Hook em horns! Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert. economic stimulus plan is amazing. And I agree with the post, tell me why this would suck? - Gohmert proposes a two-month tax holiday where the federal government would not collect any taxes from individual Americans.  No income taxes.  No payroll taxes.  You would keep all the money that you earn for two month. Now this is a statistic that should shock you ... Americans pay over $101 billion in income taxes and $66 billion in FICA taxes every single month.  That means that if Gohmert's plan went into effect, there would be over $330 billion in American pockets.   

Mikey Likes It – Hey USC good luck in your championship game...oh that's right you'd rather not lose so you don't play. If you're looking for me this weekend I'll be watching the National Title Game Florida and Bama. If Florida loses all other top ranked teams best feel fortunate - I am talking to you OSU. Wetzel’s view of the playoff plan is fantastic.

The old system was like non-alcoholic beer. The BCS is like near beer – that low-alcohol stuff that gets sold in some locales. Given no other choice people prefer near beer over the non-alcohol stuff. That’s not a compliment to near beer. It’s like saying the BCS has a nice personality. 

Well it’s not exactly a sock, and it’s not exactly a puppet. Try telling this kid that.

 

Holiday Hubbub

Osborne Family Spectacle of Lights at MGM. Fake snow, blaring Christmas music and oh approximately 4 million lights. One of my fav stops for Christmas.

 

This guy is also ours. Lovin the tiny Hallmark ornaments that smell like gingerbread!

Hard to Leggo

Marshmallows people. Get your head out of the gutter.

No, you are a hallucination, brought on by alcohol. Russian Vodka, poisoned by Chernobyl.

Remember when you were a kid riding on a big wheel and you would go all over the place, but you were always kind of leery of the big hills? Every time it snows, picture me in my car with that same feeling. 

While Andy was night skiing, I learned a lot:

Beautiful people go to the gym past 7 pm, because in the AM all I see are soccer moms and the Secrets Victoria really meant to keep a secret.

Closed caption at the gym taught me that lambs bleat, not baaah.

If you pick up enough speed in your boots to check the mail, one should slow down because the slick pavement is sure to meet you. No coupons saver is cushy enough to save you! 

Male country singers have more fairy in them than Peter Pan.

The burn I got on my finger from acting like Tom Cruise in The Color of Money won't heal if I put the non-fuzzy part of the Band-Aid on the cut.

Christmas shopping loses the luster when you have to tell your kid that she better like Malibu Barbie because it cost 29 bucks...plus some man's life.

I can still enjoy Wham's Last Christmas, even it if was written for a dude. 

Shout out to birthday girl Spears y’all! Quote of the day, "People do it all the time." - Britney 'Did I Shave My Head for This' Spears referring to shaving her head. She's right, people like athletes and bald men in their early 30s shave all the time y'all! 

Hot slut of the day goes to my new BF. Ladies, I give you the Bonus Jonas. Hey - he might be the last of the Jonas Bros, but since his hair hasn't seen a hair dryer yet, I think he is more of a man than the older ones. 

Mikey Likes It – I really wish I could embed this. Look out Hufflepuff’s these Muggles mean business. You have to check out the Intercollegiate Quidditch World Cup and hear members of BU's team describe the sport. Oddly fascinating, damn wizards.

When I first saw the Hit the Bum game, I thought was a mean thing to do to a poor person!! I prefer ‘Tap that a**’ to avoid any confusion.

Holiday Hubbub

I want your trees, please. If you have a pic of your Christmas tree, send my way for a shout out. Or any Christmas décor for that matter! Here’s Mikey’s “Intergalactic Civil War/Spaceship Battle Tree”– bonus points for Homer and a beer with a candy cane in it, can we get a close up?

Hard to Leggo

The Leggos were hung on the janky tree with care.

Hey Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big?

From Atlantic to Pacific the traffic might be terrific, but from GA to MI, it was anything but. Snow and more snow. I remember how as a kid we’d get a flake on the ground and the city would stop - up here it’s like, who wants to go out and shop, eat, etc. I get nervous driving around in this mess. Not to mention those poor Camaro drivers.  It’s snowing more today. Best quote from Mikey - "I like my beaches hot and sunny and my roads filled with slow old people and Northern tourists who can't drive their way out of a paper bag.”

I did have a fabulous time back home. I think I forgot how southern I was. I really missed the m'am and y'all.

Yes, I went to the GA/GA Tech game. I had to wear a friggin wet suit, but I still love being at Sanford. It took me about 6 hours to finally tell Roo good game. 43 points and we lose? Adios Martinez.

Thanks to Turnbull Theaters, I now have an odd liking to Trace Adkins. Don’t look at the ponytail. There is a whole lot of man squeezed in them Wranglers. And to survive being shot - in the heart - by your ex-wife, well bless every country hit after that. Thanks Moose – this one’s for you!

This tree needed Indy. It was a present from Mikey last year, but how adorable is this thing.

Mikey Likes It – Mario. Super Mario. Babaambabmababambabam.

Smack my Webster! This dictionary is probably sitting on Michael Scott’s desk.

stock stroller -noun, a person who takes an item off the shelf in a grocery store, then later decides they don't want it and places it on some random shelf elsewhere in the store.

 fundatory - mandatory "fun" events that happen at work

 

Holiday Hubbub

We really like the Dominick the Donkey Christmas song, but when we saw the Dominick the Donkey Christmas collection – well it just looks like ass.

Hard to Leggo

I know you might be stuffed from a big Thanksgiving, but just one more Turkey Leg-go. Don’t ruffle these feathers, or he’ll attack!